Ok so for this exercise, I decided to type a random word into Google images and use it as a jump off point for a timed writing exercise.
So here is what I produced with the word RANDOM typed into Google images. (Apparently it is a picture of a random alley in Vancouver). (Ah Canada).
There is something reassuring in an alley.
No lanes to choose.
You pick the pace
and if someone else turns in,
you hit the gas
drive baby.
You’ve committed to the outcome;
no turning back now.
Just drive.
Knock over debris.
It might be all that stands in your way.
Maybe that’s why it's here
you’re here-
we’re here.
Discarded.
Your city life lead you down claustrophobic corridors
far from the predictability of
suburban cul-de sacs
with plenty of room for avoiding mistakes.
Not you.
No convenient K turns
or places to pull off.
Drive baby.
This is your rebirth.
Pushing us out into something better
a road that leads somewhere-
regardless of whether it is
a final destination or
just a throughway to something else
temporary.
3 comments:
Okay, so maybe I take the picture warm-up cop-out comment back. This is really cool.
The only thing I can think of is that the "you" and "we" are unclear. The you being unclear isn't that big of a deal, but when "we" comes into it, it brings a whole nother layer that's kind of fuzzy. It's also not specified why "we" are discarded. Maybe you don't want it to be, I don't know. Just a thought.
I also don't like how close to home this hit. But that's definitely not a bad thing.
Wow! That is awesome Wilson. I love how you have a bunch of random but great things on your blog site. But hey what would random be w/o Wilson?
I definitely agree with Lizberto on the lack of clarity on the pronouns. If this were longer or more developed, it might run as a mission statement or motivational message directed at a general audience, but as is, it feels ambiguous in a way that needs more explanation.
I'd also consider reducing (or eliminating entirely) the "drive baby" lines. They strike me as self-conscious.
I wonder (if this ever ends up as more than an exercise and becomes something you feel like developing) if you could land at a certain point and actually tell the story of the person you're addressing/type of person you're talking about. This would keep the piece from feeling like all car metaphor. all the time. I feel like the idea could definitely be developed into a strong one or two minute piece if you were inclined.
But write the Roy and Silo poem first.
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